I remember so clearly how much it hurt me when my kids hurt as they were growing up.
First it was little cuts and scrapes and “owies”…things I knew would soon heal, and yet I would still hurt as I watched them crying because their tears touched my heart. And I wanted so badly to take away the tears and the pain. It seemed that this should be a mother’s job.
As my girls grew, their tears and pain became more heart-rending. I’m sure they had no idea how their own difficulties with school or friends or just plain life would cut my own heart. And all because I loved them so much that I wanted to take away the tears and the pain. It seemed that this should be a mother’s job.
All the while that they were growing up, I really thought that there would come a day when they would grow up…become adults…and my job would be done – and I wouldn’t hurt as much. I thought that some day it would get easy.
How wrong I was!
As I’ve watched my kids experience deep pain in their adult lives, my own pain has gone far deeper than I ever expected. I found out that it never got easy. That heart of a mother that wanted to take away the pain never stopped beating. Their pain as adults would take my own heart into grief and heartache and sadness and almost despair at times.
After I wrote those words, I almost deleted them. I reread them and think that they are too raw and too truthful…and perhaps I shouldn’t share such reality. After all, what good will it do?
And then I realize that there is a vast number of people who are doing their own share of hurting – and they think that they are the only ones. They have no one to tell them that they’re not alone in their suffering, their grief, their heartache. No one to tell them that others have also hurt so deeply that they weren’t sure they could survive.
So, I didn’t delete those words. Instead, I admit that my own heart has almost broken at times. A year ago this month I looked at pictures of our little Margot June, our granddaughter who never got to breathe the air outside her mommy’s tummy, and I hurt so badly that I could barely breathe. Not only over the loss of Margot, but also for her mommy and daddy as their own grief tore at their very beings and ripped them apart. A year ago this month I watched my “little girl” lay in a hospital bed, wondering if she would make it and the pain was so intense, so overpowering, that words can’t even express it. It seemed that it should be a mother’s job to take it all away! And even now I continue to see her pain as she grieves the loss of her precious baby girl all the while she is welcoming and worrying over the birth of little Leo. Oh how I would love to take it all away. It seems that should be a mother’s job.
Through this lifetime of having children, I don’t know how I would have done it without my Jesus. I mean that with all of my heart. His presence, His comfort, His strength, His love, His ability to help carry the burden, the grief, the worries, the frustrations, the pain…I simply couldn’t have done it without Him.
And I wonder if He feels the same way about me as I do about my kids…that He would love to take away my pain. But that’s impossible in this world, and so He walks beside me through it. No – even better – He lives inside me, through His precious Holy Spirit, minute-by-minute helping me, lifting me, encouraging me, giving me faith and hope and peace.
If you’re walking through deep pain today, my Jesus can help you. He longs to help you. He reaches out to you today and offers you Himself and all that entails: love, comfort, peace, hope…
I don’t know what I would have done without Him. Life never gets easy, but oh, how grateful I am that He walks it with us. I pray you’ll experience the reality of His presence today…this very minute as you turn to Him.