I wish I could write that I’m enjoying this fasting time. I really do! I wish I could tell you that it’s been one of the best experiences of my life. I wish I could tell you all the amazing new insights I’m receiving and fun experiences I’m having as a result of fasting.
But honesty demands that I have to admit that none of that is happening.
It’s really hard and getting harder as the days pass. Not that I’m hungry anymore; I’m actually not. But I’m longing for food. I’m longing to sit down and talk with John over a pizza and savor the flavors and drink an ice-filled Coke and finish it up with a little chocolate and…ok, I gotta stop going into details.
It’s really boring and getting more boring as the days pass. My piece of bread or a little rice and beans (again) are filling my stomach, but sure are getting old.
It’s really challenging to say, “This is worth it” and getting harder as the days pass. I’m just being totally honest with you.
Until…until I realize that recently I’ve been extra weepy over sin and complacency and people with hardened hearts. Until…until I realize that recently I’m learning even more than ever that I am still so weak without HIS strength, so carnal without HIS cleansing, so SELFISH without His purifying of my heart. Until…until I recognize that recently I’m thinking about my Savior constantly and continually throughout the day because I need Him so much to help me do this.
Hmmmm…………maybe more is happening than I realize during this fast. Maybe it IS worth it, even if it’s hard and boring and challenging.