Words aren’t sufficient…

How do I begin to try to thank all of you for your prayers during the week that little Leo was in the NICU in California?

It was such a roller-coaster of emotions: excitement over welcoming this little miracle into the family…fear when we learned that he had to be taken away from his mommy and placed in the NIC unit…anxiety when we contemplated the “what ifs” during those first 36 hours…apprehension when we saw him connected to so many tubes…sheer joy when we realized he was going to be ok…

And through it all, we clung to the knowledge that thousands of people (again) were holding our family up in prayer.  I can’t tell you what that meant to me.   I’m often overwhelmed with the magnitude of what prayer involves and includes, and when the body of Christ holds me and my loved ones up in prayer, it fills me with something that I can’t adequately express.  “Gratitude” is there but that doesn’t quite describe it.  “Peace” is part of it but that also doesn’t do it.  Maybe the closest I can get to explaining how I’ve felt in those times when the body of Christ is holding me and my family up to the Father is “cherished”.  Loved and cherished.  People who love me and love my family and who love Jesus lift us up the the Father of love and pray for us…it moves me to tears and I feel so cherished.

So, thank you, to all who prayed as we walked through another scary time.  We’re on the other side now, with Leo home with his big sister who adores him.  He’s doing well.  Our hearts are filled with joy.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  (Galatians 6:2)

P.S. – Sorry I’ve not been writing much recently on my blog.  I’ll get back into it now that I’m home and things are getting back to “normal”.

 

Extravagant love

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what it means to really love Jesus.  These thoughts have been especially stirred by studying again the story in John 12 about Mary pouring perfume on Jesus’ feet and wiping his feet with her hair.  The perfume cost a year’s wages…that’s astounding to me!  Can you imagine taking a year of your paychecks and buying some perfume to pour on the feet of Jesus?  Doesn’t that sound kind of wasteful?  That’s what Judas Iscariot thought of it:  wasteful.  (Of course the fact that he was the money keeper for the group and a thief didn’t help him see it any other way!)

But if I’m really, really honest, it sounds a bit wasteful to me, too.  A year’s salary spent on perfume to pour over someone’s feet?!

But immediately another thought comes to me when I read the story.  It was such an extravagant act of love.  It demonstrated in a profound, moving, visual way the love of this woman for the man who had taught her (Read Luke 10 where she sits at his feet while he teaches – something that men and rabbis simply didn’t do for women). And for the one who had given her brother back to her by raising him from the dead (John 11).  Out of an overflow of love and thankfulness and gratitude, she does something extravagant:  she unbinds her hair (another unheard of act in that culture), pours out a pint of this expensive perfume, and wipes his feet with her unbound hair.

And John, who watched it all happen, writes, “And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.”

I picture this story in my mind’s eye and it stirs me in so many ways.  It also causes me to ask myself, “What does it mean to love Jesus extravagantly when I can’t see Him or touch Him?”  I don’t know that answer for sure.  I only know that I’m asking the question often of the Lord and giving Him permission to answer it.  Then I’m asking for His grace to allow me to say yes when He does give me the answer.

Though I don’t know what the full answer will be, I do know that it will have something to do with loving people, whom I can see and touch.

As I pray about this, I’m reminded of Brennan Manning’s compelling words, “According to the evangelical criterion for holiness, the person closest to the heart of Jesus Christ is not the one who prays the most, studies Scripture the most, or the one who has the most important position of spiritual responsibility entrusted to his or her care.  It is the one who loves the most…” (Italics are mine.)

Wow!  I have to admit that often I would rather pray or study the Word than step outside my comfort zone and love someone.  But everything in me resonates with Manning’s words.  I believe they are true, according to scripture.

And so, I fall to my knees and pray:

“Lord, I give you my life again today.  I give you permission to reveal your will to me about what it means to love you extravagantly, like Mary did.  Open my eyes and ears and heart and mind and soul to your quiet voice that will speak your words to me.  Then give me grace and strength and power to follow, once I’ve heard.”

Extravagant love…I’ve got a long way to go.  Help me, Lord.

Another thought on prayer…

Because I believe prayer is so absolutely essential to the Christian life, I’ll periodically give you a quote on prayer, especially when one touches my heart. Here’s one that my dear friend, Margy, recently sent to me.  It’s by one of our favorite authors, Andrew Murray, whose work always challenges and encourages me.

“Come, and however feeble you feel, just wait in His presence. As a feeble sickly invalid is brought out into the sunshine to let its warmth go through him, come with all that is cold and dark in you into the sunshine of God’s holy, omnipotent love, and sit and wait there, with the one thought: Here I am, in the sunshine of His love. As the sun does its work in the weak one who seeks its rays, God will do His work in you.” (Andrew Murray)

I love this quote.  It deals with an aspect of prayer that we so seldom experience:  that of simply sitting before the Lord, without asking, speaking, accomplishing, imploring or requesting.  It’s simply sitting before Him and allowing His love and presence to pour over us, to draw us closer and closer to the heart of God.  I’m not very good at this aspect of prayer yet, but I want to get better.  It’s a life-time journey of learning, but at least I’m on the road.

Maybe you can join me on that journey?

“A good relationship begins with me”

This weekend John is preaching on relationships.  He will talk about how easy it is to give up on relationships when we think that they are simply too broken, too disappointing, too difficult, to ever be good/healed/satisfying.

He will talk about blaming – about how easy it is to look at the other person and think, “If only he/she would change, THEN this relationship could improve.”

As I listened to the message last night, it reminded me of one of my favorite quotes that has touched me time and time again.  “We are too quick to resent and feel what we suffer from others, but fail to consider how much others suffer from us.  Whoever considers his own defects fully and honestly will find no reason to judge others harshly.”  (Thomas a Kempis)

Wow! So true…so convicting…so challenging…

“Help me, Lord, to allow you daily to examine my own heart, mind, motives, attitudes and actions and to reveal to me where I am at fault, to blame, or the reason for any of my relationships that are less than they can/should be. And thank you with all my heart that the Holy Spirit lives inside me to give me the grace and strength and love that’s needed to have the relationships that you desire for me.  I depend on you; I yield to you; I trust you.  You are the miracle-working God, especially in this area of relationships.  How I praise you.”

Lord, teach us to pray.

I had the privilege and joy of leading our church last weekend as we focused on prayer.  I absolutely love to teach people more about prayer…just as I absolutely love to learn more about prayer myself! So, I thought I’d write a few more thoughts about prayer, mainly by quoting authors who have so greatly influenced my own life regarding prayer.

On the topic of the purpose of prayer in our lives:

“In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God’s thoughts after him:  to desire the things he desires, to love the things he loves, to will the things he wills.  Progressively we are taught to see things from his point of view.”  (Richard Foster)

On the topic of our time alone with God requiring time:

“It takes good time for the full flow of God into the spirit.  Short devotions cut the pipe of God’s full flow.  It takes time in the secret places to get the full revelation of God. Little time and hurry mar the picture.”  (E.M.Bounds)

On the topic of confession and repentance:

“Prayer invites me to lower defenses and present the self that no other person fully knows to a God who already knows.”  (Philip Yancy)

“We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us.”  (C.S. Lewis)

On the topic of being honest with God:

“How unutterably sweet is the knowledge that our Heavenly Father knows us completely.  No talebearer can inform on us; no enemy can make an accusationstick; no forgotten skeleton can come tumbling out of some hidden closet to abash us and expose our past; no unsuspected weakness in our characters can come to light to turn God away from us, since He knew us utterly before we knew Him and called us to Himself in the full knowledge of everything that was against us.”  (A.W.Tozer)

“Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?” (God -Jeremiah 23:24)

On the importance of praying for others:

“As for me, far be it from be me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you.”  (The prophet Samuel in I Samuel 12:23)

On the topic of worship:

“Lord, how great is our dilemma.  In Thy presence silence best becomes us, but love inflames our hearts and constrains us to speak.”  (Tozer)

On the topic of not being discouraged about where you currently are:

“It was liberating to me to understand that prayer involved a learning process.  I was set free to question, to experiement, even to fail, for I knew I was learning.”   (Richard Foster)

 

Well, I hope those words touch your heart and mind as much as they do mine.  Oh, how I long to become a better pray-er and how I long to see other believers become better pray-ers.  Together, let’s join our hearts with the heart of God, that eternity will be affected because we’ve not neglected praying.

Prayerfully, Patty

 

 

 

I love “Stella stories”

Those who know blogs tell us for a blog to be successful, we have to blog more often.  One person recently told us that we don’t have to worry about being profound or writing about major topics, but simply WRITE.  Just write about things that are happening in our lives or things that we find interesting, etc.

Well, I have one place of major interest in my life. That’s our little Stella Rose.  I have to admit, I have to FORCE myself NOT to write about her all the time.  She is just so precious, so smart, so verbal, so interesting, so ever-changing, so loveable…I guess you get the point…that I love to tell people about her.  Then I hear this little voice inside saying, “Patty, they, too, have children or grandchildren and they,too,have their own stories, so ease up on the Stella stories!”

And so I do.

But since our “blogging expert” encourged us this week to blog more often about those things that most interest us, I’ll tell you another Stella story and beg your indulgence. 

Stella and her daddy were laying in bed and she wanted to take her socks off.  Her daddy, Josh, who is usually extremely very conciliatory about her requests, told her no. When she asked why, he said it was because he didn’t want to have to put them back on her later.  She told him not to worry because she would do it herself.

Minutes later, she called him back into her room and sweetly asked him if he could help her in putting her socks back on.  Her reasoning?  “Because my feet are so big and my hands are so small”.  I can just hear that precious little voice oh, so sweetly working its magic on her daddy, melting his heart.

Thanks for indulging me. Now I have another post completed!

Patty

The Privilege of Praying…

At the end of the month I’ll be leading the weekend services as we focus on prayer.  For weeks now I’ve been thinking about prayer, writing about prayer…and praying.  I can’t wait until that weekend when we will get to join together as a church and learn about this amazing privilege the King of Kings has given His children:  to come before Him and share in deep, rich fellowship.

I think one of my all-time favorite thoughts on prayer comes from Richard Foster who wrote, “Prayer is a love relationship; an enduring, continuing, growing, love relationship with the great God of the universe.  This overwhelming love invites a response.  Real prayer does not come by gritting our teeth, but by falling in love.  With simplicity of heart we allow ourselves to be gathered up into the arms of the Father and let Him sing his love song over us.”

Wow!  “…but by falling in love”.  That’s not just a beautiful statement about what prayer CAN be, but it’s what I’ve found it to be.  A long time ago I fell in love with my Jesus.  But that love goes on and on and deepens over the years and through the ups and downs of this life.  One of the main ways I get to express my love and receive HIS love occurs as I pray.  It’s also the way I get to pour out my heart to Him and experience His comfort, His touch, His strength, His renewing power.  I can’t imagine life without this gift of prayer.

Think of it:  the King of Kings and Lord of Lords tells us to “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  (Hebrews 4:16)  Such a privilege, such a joy, such an honor.  And such a responsibility.

Prayerfully, Patty

It never gets easy…

I remember so clearly how much it hurt me when my kids hurt as they were growing up.

First it was little cuts and scrapes and “owies”…things I knew would soon heal, and yet I would still  hurt as I watched them crying because their tears touched my heart.  And I wanted so badly to take away the tears and the pain.  It seemed that this should be a mother’s job.

As my girls grew, their tears and pain became more heart-rending.  I’m sure they had no idea how their own difficulties with school or friends or just plain life would cut my own heart.  And all because I loved them so much that I wanted to take away the tears and the pain.  It seemed that this should be a mother’s job.

All the while that they were growing up, I really thought that there would come a day when they would grow up…become adults…and my job would be done – and I wouldn’t hurt as much.  I thought that some day it would get easy.

How wrong I was!

As I’ve watched my kids experience deep pain in their adult lives, my own pain has gone far deeper than I ever expected.  I found out that it never got easy.  That heart of a mother that wanted to take away the pain never stopped beating.  Their pain as adults would take my own heart into grief and heartache and sadness and almost despair at times.

After I wrote those words, I almost deleted them.  I reread them and think that they are too raw and too truthful…and perhaps I shouldn’t share such reality.  After all, what good will it do?

And then I realize that there is a vast number of people who are doing their own share of hurting – and they think that they are the only ones.  They have no one to tell them that they’re not alone in their suffering, their grief, their heartache.  No one to tell them that others have also hurt so deeply that they weren’t sure they could survive.

So, I didn’t delete those words.  Instead, I admit that my own heart has almost broken at times.  A year ago this month I looked at pictures of our little Margot June, our granddaughter who never got to breathe the air outside her mommy’s tummy, and I hurt so badly that I could barely breathe.  Not only over the loss of Margot, but also for her mommy and daddy as their own grief tore at their very beings and ripped them apart. A year ago this month I watched my “little girl” lay in a hospital bed, wondering if she would make it and the pain was so intense, so overpowering, that words can’t even express it.  It seemed that it should be a mother’s job to take it all away! And even now I continue to see her pain as she grieves the loss of her precious baby girl all the while she is welcoming and worrying over the birth of little Leo.  Oh how I would love to take it all away.  It seems that should be a mother’s job.

Through this lifetime of having children, I don’t know how I would have done it without my Jesus.  I mean that with all of my heart.  His presence, His comfort, His strength, His love, His ability to help carry the burden, the grief, the worries, the frustrations, the pain…I simply couldn’t have done it without Him.

And I wonder if He feels the same way about me as I do about my kids…that He would love to take away my pain.  But that’s impossible in this world, and so He walks beside me through it. No – even better - He lives inside me, through His precious Holy Spirit,  minute-by-minute helping me, lifting me, encouraging me, giving me faith and hope and peace.

If you’re walking through deep pain today, my Jesus can help you.  He longs to help you.  He reaches out to you today and offers you Himself and all that entails:  love, comfort, peace, hope…

I don’t know what I would have done without Him.  Life never gets easy, but oh, how grateful I am that He walks it with us. I pray you’ll experience the reality of His presence today…this very minute as you turn to Him.

Patty

 

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day, John Bray

Of course today is Valentine’s Day, so I decided to write a few words about my valentine, John Bray, one of the greatest gifts the Lord ever gave to me.

I grew up in a home that had fighting and shouting and cussing nearly ever single day of my life.  I almost never saw affection shown between my parents, or graciousness or kindness.  I remember laying in bed at night as a teenager, saying, “Lord, if you’ll help me, when I grow up, I’ll never have a family like this.”

In high school I had to write a paper on “The Ten Things I Want In A Husband”.  I can still remember some of the qualities I wrote on my paper:  a love for God, a love for people, and someone who could make me laugh for a lifetime…

Then I went to college and eventually fell in love with this skinny, crazy guy who fulfilled my dreams:  he was kind and gracious and loved God and he had a great sense of humor (though at times I’ve questioned that!) and a love for people.

But one of the most precious things about John Bray has been that he has loved me unconditionally.  It still overwhelms me when I think of how unconditionally he has loved me.  Nothing held back, no strings attached, no demands made.  He’s simply loved me.  For that I am so grateful that there aren’t words to express it. 

And because of that love, my life has been unbelievably full and sweet and fulfilling.  He’s believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  He’s always been my biggest supporter, my biggest fan and my biggest encourager.  He’s always told me I could do anything that the Lord asked me to do.   He’s trusted me, lifted me, and pushed me. For all of that I am so grateful that there aren’t words to express it.

And he helped me raise our two precious daughters.  He balanced my seriousness with his crazy sense of humor.  He loved our girls so much (still does!).  He was all the things I never saw in a dad while growing up:  patient, kind, gracious, fun and funny.  He never missed a single event that was special to them (cross-country meets, music contests, prom pictures, piano recitals, plays – even the dress rehearsals!)  For being that wonderful dad, I am so grateful that there aren’t words to express it.

And he still makes me laugh!  For that I am so grateful that there aren’t words to express it. 

I’ve often wondered how different my life would have been if I hadn’t found John Bray.  It’s impossible to imagine.  But on this Valentine’s Day, I can say, “Thank you, Lord, for this amazing gift you’ve given me” and “Thank you, John Bray, for a life-time of love.”

And for still making me laugh!

What examples they have been…

This morning our dear friends, Chris and Margy, said goodbye to their precious 33 year old son, Tad.  Tad has been suffering from brain cancer for the past couple of years and has been in a hospice bed for the past 14 months.  This morning his suffering ended as Chris and Margy watched him breathe his last breath here on earth.

It’s been a valiant battle that Tad has waged.  He was confined to that hospital bed for all those months and yet he never complained; it was an amazing thing to watch.  He taught everyone so much, me included.  If only I can someday die with such strength and grace as Tad, I will leave a legacy, as he did to so many.

But it’s not just Tad who taught me so much during these past many months.  His mom and dad became my heroes as they daily waged that battle with Tad.  Their servanthood, their sacrificial love, their commitment to keep their Taddyboy at home until the end, their physical and emotional exhaustion to care for him, their never-ending prayers for him as he endured so much…and so much more will forever remain in my mind and heart as an example of true Christlike love.  I watched them be Jesus to Tad.

And now they walk through life with a hole that will never again be filled this side of heaven.  But one day…one day they will hold him again.  During these past months Tad came to a new-found faith in Jesus that I know helped him endure these months of dying.  The Lord’s strength and peace and love daily filled that bedroom.  And so, along with Paul, we who loved Tad can say, “We do not want you to…grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.  We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him…Therefore, encourage each other with these words.”  (I Thessalonians 4:13 &18)

I told Tad several times over these past months that if I had ever been blessed to have a son, I would have wanted him to be just like Tad Agnew.  He touched my heart and life in a profound way.

Thanks, Tad, for everything you’ve taughted me.  I only wish I could have known you before you got sick.  The countless stories I hear about you from those who have loved you for so long have only deepened my love and respect for you.

See you again someday.

And thank you, Chris and Margy, for showing me what Jesus looks like with skin on.